What do you think of my mini (not quite so mini) story?

AW! That's so adorable! I'm glad Niamh is safe! I held my breath. But I think you should put more detail during Tai's dive, like when his lithe body crashed into the frozen depths, you should also explain his lungs filling with water. You did an excellent job though, because I noticed that Niamh and Tai are connected and he was dieing because she was.